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All Seals Replaced by Strange Creatures at Local Zoo

WINCKTON ZOO, NEW JERSEY—Zoo employees and attendees were outraged last Wednesday when a cashier at the Winckton Zoo gift shop, Jared Pinkerton, noticed all the seals at the zoo had been replaced by a new, unidentified creatures. Reports indicate that after closing time on Tuesday night, the seals at the zoo were replaced with a novel mutant specimen which one forensic animal investigator described as “sea lions.”

The Jersey Jiffy Journal reached out to Felix Boogerson, managing director of Winckton Zoo’s animal enclosure department, for a comment. “My momma always told me there was evil in the world, but I never would’ve thought some sicko could rob the kids of seeing the seals. Instead, these abominations roam the cages and stare at the customers with their black, beady eyes. It’s totally despicable.”

The county prosecutor issued an official statement Wednesday afternoon in response to the events at Winckton Zoo. She claims that “seals and sea lions are the same thing” and urges all residents of Winckton and fellow towns to “stop calling the precinct” and “let the law enforcement personnel work on dealing with real crimes.”


Apparently I wrote this in high school and I just found it on my old Google Drive so I wanted to share it. I think it's kinda funny.


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